It's official. I gave Percy 3 ounces of formula tonight. He finally seems content now that he has a full stomach.
Thanks to my pumping I was able to measure how much milk I was producing. My supply is terrible. I'm only making 12 ounces of breastmilk a day. Not enough for Percy to thrive.
I've ordered Mother's Milk and Fenugreek. They should arrive tomorrow. Until my supply improves I'll be adding two 3 ounce bottles of formula to Little P's daily diet.
I failed him. My body failed again.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
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No. This is not a failure. Failure would be if there were no other way to feed him. But there is, and he'll be fine.
I know that this is hard - I had an inadequate supply with my daughter. But please don't feel like a failure!!
((((antigone))))
on the other hand, your body has a mind and the mind has *not* failed P. the mind is making choices to help him to grow and thrive.
I know it doesn't feel good. I've been there. I tried to b/f my son, but it just wasn't going to happen. Whatever you can "get" out for him is better than nothing. As long as he's eating and gaining weight- that is all that matters. The are millions of healhty formula fed babies in this world. He will be fine. :)
Stop that immediately! You have not failed him. Failing him would involve refusing to give him a little formula while you work out the best way to go all breast. If that even works out.
I nursed my daughter for a year on no more than 12 ounces of breastmilk a day. She got formula too. She's a chubby toddler who's not terribly picky about food, and she's had 3 ear infections...but only since she started going to daycare.
You have not failed. You don't even get to know if you've failed until he's an adult. You'll know you've failed if he ends up in jail. Otherwise, you did a fine job.
I agree, this is absolutely not failure.
I never breastfed for long, I pumped with B for 4 months because she had such severe reflux that she had to be fed completely upright. And I pumped with M for one week, when she was in the NICU. That's all that I could handle mentally.
So I'm not exactly a breastfeeding 'pro', but I HAVE heard from those who are that you can't accurately measure your supply by pumping.. and that while a pump mimic's a sucking motion, it's not as efficient as your own child's.
If you're set on breastfeeding, there are plenty of resources to help. I'm sure the hospital's lactation consultants would be happy to let you stop by, and there's always LLL.
My good friend exclusively pumped for 2 months while her baby is in the NICU, and she took 4 Fenugreek a day and produced an obscene amount of milk. So hopefully that can be your ticket to success, too.
But in the end, it doesn't really matter how he eats, just as long as he does. It's not a reflection on you as a woman, or a mother. Breastfeeding is nowhere near as easy and 'natural' as it's made out to be. It's hard work and typically comes with some rough patches and struggle. Hang in there.
I know you're sad, but it breaks myself to hear you beating yourself up over this. Please give yourself a break. It's so obvious from what you write that you are such a great mommy. Hopefully the tea and fenugreek will work, because that's what you want, but even a little breast milk is better than none and your love is better than any particular kind of food. He is going to do just great. Hugs to you and the little guy.
Hmmm well maybe the DHA will make him clever enough to avoid conviction...
Nope. Not failing at all. Don't drag yourself down with this, please. Soooooo many children are formula feed or supplemented with formula...it's just not that big of a deal.
If he is more satisfied??? that's all that matters right???
:) Hang in there.
I know it can't feel good, but you did not fail. You didn't poison him, and he will still eat. You are a wonderful mother, and there is no reason to be down!
OK. All is not lost. This happened to all 3 of my boys. You nurse then give formula until he gains his strength to increase your supply. I had c-sections so I was in the hospital longer than normal so this all took place in the hospital so I didn't feel so lost and alone like I know I would have if I had been home.
All is not lost. You will exclusively breastfeed soon enough. You are doing great!
-e
NOT A FAILURE on anyone's part
you are still breastfeeding and satisfying P. FYI if the fenugreek does not work for you (it wasn't enough for me, just made me smell like maple syrup) I ordered Domiperidon and had GREAT sucess. I was only able to breastfeed my daught with supplementing formula for nine months. My son, though, with the help of dom..breastfed until I was forced to wean him at 14 months. No formula required.
Regardless of all that, formula is fine and P will thrive and be wonderfully fine either way.
Try not to be so hard on yourself
That is NOT a failure. Your baby boy is happy and healthy. It does not matter how he gets his nutrients.
that is not failure.. failure is not wanting him.. which simply isnt possible.. you are a wonderful mamma :)btw .. i had to stop breastfeeding my child due to him being severe milk allerigc to all forms of milk and milk sugars
hugs you
You are not a failure.
Formula, if it comes to it, is not the end of the world. Really.
I tried to breastfeed my twins and my milk never came in. I felt like shit. I moped. And then I got sensible advice that wasn't passionate either way- yes breast is ideal if it works, but if it doesn't it is not a bad thing. All the stuff about the difference between BF and formula fed babies comes down to quite small things that are actually hard to be sure about.
Allow yourself to do whatever you and Perseus thrive with- whichever method you choose.
J
This is not a failure. I know it feels like a failure, because I had to give my son a small bottle of formula when he was about 6 days old and it *felt* like the end of the world. It felt like I was failing at breastfeeding and it was so important to me that I not fail. (And my son nursed for a year after that, so, it totally wasn't a failure.)
Unless you are using a hospital grade pump, you have no good way of knowing how much you are actually producing. Even the Medela Pump In Style (a very good pump) does not mimic exactly what your baby does. What you know is that you can pump 12 oz a day. (And 12 oz of breastmilk a day is much better than 0 oz of breastmilk a day).
Don't see this as a failure.
Ahh...in my experience, there is very little differences between b/f and formula babies. I personally have found that formula babies tend to be really chubby (and body fluids tend to smell more!), but that is neither here nor there. P will do fine. And you haven't given up completely either, so baby gets what is best for him: a balance.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Keep up the good work!
No, you are not a failure. I was unable to nurse my daughter more than two weeks, Doctors told me, nursing even for one week gives the child a good start.
Just keeping him full and happy is the most important thing.
SO NOT A FAILURE... but I know just how you feel. I had the same problem with my firstborn. Plenty of babies get both, and for some families it's the best of both worlds. :) For Caitlin and I, by the time she was 6 months she was not interested in breastfeeding any longer. You do what you can. Sometimes babies have issues of their own you can't necessarily understand or help.
I do think that pumping is NOT an adequate measure of how much milk you're producing, so don't give up! I think even a little bit makes a huge difference, both to the health of the baby and to your time together and hormonal and emotional health.
I've been told that some women (take me, for instance!) need to take gobs and gobs of fenugreek, until your sweat smells like maple syrup (!!) before it can do you some good - for me that was WAY more than the bottle recommended.
Oatmeal also helps many women - just good old fashioned oatmeal for breakfast! I have a friend that had to stop eating it because she went into overdrive! AND... I have a recipe for Oatmeal Chocolate Lactation Cookies - supposed to be both delicious and *really* impact your supply positively. Let me know, I'd be happy to share it with you (or anyone else).
You're still healing and getting on your feet from the birth. So many things can affect supply, and you two are still getting to know each other. Take a deep breath, try to sleep when he does, and no matter what, YOU LOVE HIM. HE KNOWS THAT - there is no possible way you can be a failure when these things are true. :)
Bad Antigone.... nope you are not failing. Believe me, babies are WAY more efficient of getting milk out than a pump is. I can tell the difference when my baby 'empties' my breast compared to when I pump til it's 'empty'
(empties in quotes cuz you never completely empty).
That said, even 12 oz a day is better than 0. Half of his nutrition for the day is coming from you, keep it up and your supply will catch up.
and in the worse case even if it doesn't, formula is not the end of the world, there are lots and lots of us formula babies that turned out just fine.
Just do the best for him you can, and if it ends up being formula, so be it. In the end either way he's being fed with love!
Do NOT beat yourself up over this.
I know how you feel, I felt horrible for weeks after my son was born because I labored for 36 hours after my water broke and I wound up having an emergency c-section because I stopped dilating.
I felt like my body had failed me.
Our bodies sometimes do things we wish they wouldn't, but there's a reason.
It's not because we fail.
Hi Antigone,
First, I want to reiterate what all the other supporters said: You are not a failure.
It breaks my heart to hear of mothers who don't find the necessary support they need for breastfeeding. I've breastfed all of my living children (still nursing the two-year-old). In my experience, the mother's first "teacher" in nursing leaves a huge impact for better or worse. In case you got the "worse", I'd like to offer some links I've found helpful.
La Leche League - http://www.llli.org//
LLL offers wonderful support groups for this very purpose. Look for a group in your area. If you don't like the first one you go to, try a different one. Even try emailing the group leader for valuable tips.
Also, you might meet other moms who share your interests and experiences. Building up your newborn mom support base will help alleviate isolation you may feel.
Dr. Sears -
http://askdrsears.com/html/2/T020100.asp
This website, along with Dr. Sears' books, helped me navigate life with a newborn after my first child was born. I even bought The Baby Book a second time with my second baby because I'd used my first one so much it fell apart.
http://www.breastfeeding.com/
I haven't personally used this one, but from first impression, it seems to offer a lot of resources.
Also, I know friends who have rented the hospital grade pump. I believe they called it the Big Bertha. These friends had very expensive, quality pumps at home. But, Big Bertha did the trick.
For pain, don't forget about Lansinoh. I see that they even offer a latch-on video at http://refs05.securesites.net/snap038/.
This is the most difficult time of nursing. If you need anymore support, please contact me. I'll be thinking of you.
Here's hoping you will be able to get your milk supply where you want it. I'm sure everyone has good advice but I know that it is a disappointment that you have to work through, whether or not you end up supplementing for the long term on now. (Hugs!)
Here's a link about pumping that's interesting. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/pumping_decrease.html
Pumping isn't always a good way to measure how much baby Percy is getting.. you may be producing more, but the pump may not be removing as much as it should.
You're doing awesome! Don't give up!
I had to do the same thing---my milk took 10 days to get mature, the girl lost all sorts of weight and all hell broke loose.
Now I am back to breastmilk 90% of the time and she is gaining weight.
This is not failure. This is a tool to get him to a safe weight and allow your body to catch up/get the meds to help your production.
Hang in there! It will even out.
I understand your disappointment, it feels like a failure. Here's the key though...YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
It took me a full week nursing and pumping to produce half an ounce a couple times a day. By one month I was pumping out 12 oz at a sitting. And I still needed to supplement with formula.
In the end we went to all formula at 8 weeks. It was easier on my body (I was still anemic) and easier on the baby(she was lactose intolerant). She's now a thriving, smart, happy 18 month old.
You will figure out what works for you and your family. And whatever that is...is a success.
So not a failure. I know this is hard and a disappointment. I'm sorry.
you are not...you are an amazing mama ... i can tell and i don't even "know" you. things happen but you realized it and the milk will come. don't beat yourself up. you deserve happiness!
It is amazing how quick we jump to 'my body has failed' I know I did this week, but failure would be not noticing, not acting, and not dealing with it.
Keep up the good work.
This is not a failure at all.
Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE know this, what you pump does NOT NOT NOT equate what he nurses. If you want to know how much you produce the ONLY way is to weigh him before and after feedings on a good scale. This is fact not hearsay. A pump is nowhere near as efficient as a baby, ever.
Also there is domperidone to help with supply, there is herbs, there is much. And if you have to supplement that ok, but this is not a failure.
You did NOT fail him!! He is ALIVE and sleeping in your bed. So he's on formula. It's okay because he's ALIVE and he's going to grow and love you. And when he's 16 he is NOT going to care that he wasn't breastfed. :)
-Becky C.
(formerly a lurker)
Not a failure. I have found that breastfeeding coming easily is 90% luck and 10% dedication. You have the second part, which means you can persevere and make this work. Even if he's never exclusively breastfed, you will make sure he is strong and healthy and that is what matters.
*sigh* There will always be someone waiting there to make you feel like a failure as a mother. (including ourselves.) This never ever goes away.
Please don't buy into the Nursing Nazi's schtick. Formula is NOT evil.
I was formula fed. I'm betting that most of the people that read this blog were formula fed.
IT'S NOT POISON!!! IT'S NOT BAD!! It is not the end of the world if a child drinks formula. I still cannot figure out why everyone is so deadset that a mother MUST breastfeed. (when I was born - formula was supposed to be so much better.)
I guess the alternative is to hire a wet nurse. (I kid of course.)
There is nothing NOTHING wrong with formula. In some cases it's better than breastmilk.
You did not fail Antigone. It happens to a lot of women. I too was unable to breastfeed my children. When I had my first child I was 18 and very insecure about breastfeeding, I had an abundant supply with him and let it dry up. I really wanted to breastfeed my daughter. I had her when I was 30 and way more mature. With her I did not produce enough milk and developed a terrible breast infection. My third child everything seemed to work fine, he latched, I thought it was working but my body just did not produce much milk. I tried pumping and I think I got about 6 ounces a day. But i made sure every drop went into a bottle for him.
To this day it is the one thing I wish I could have accomplished. But you know, my kids don't care. They still love me, we have a great bond. With my youngest even trying all suggestions I could get, I failed to produce enough and I eventually became a human pacifier for about a month. It was very special. I think I am even closer to him than the others maybe because he is my baby, maybe because I let him latch on for awhile even when I could only give him comfort. There are plenty of formula's out there that are great. You have not failed, you only fail when you quit trying to be the best parent you can be. And you are not doing that. You know it is in his best interest for him to drink formula. And hopefully, I will keep my fingers crossed for you, the other things will work and you will be able to provide milk. If not he will still be a fine healthy boy. Just wait till he wants you to buy him a car....Now that is a scary time.
I can't remember (twins one year olds w/ ear infections = no sleep) but have you seen a lactation consultant? Best money you will ever spend (if it's not covered by your insurance. ANY breastmilk is better than nothing. I had a low supply as well (as did my mother and grandmother) so don't judge yourself so harshly.
I meant to add...
Motherhood is all about trial and error. Seldom do things work out the way you plan... So don't beat yourself up, just adjust the plan and keep on going!
No, no, no, no. This is NOT a failure. No. Your poor body is doing the absolute best it can do. You should thank it, not berate it!
I can't run a marathon (okay, seriously, I can't run a 10K), but that's because my hips suck. I thank my body for getting me around on a day to day basis, and needed to accept that I'm not going to ever run in races again. I don't mean to trivialize breastfeeding by comparing it to running, trust me. I've struggled like mad through breastfeeding 2 kids and I get it.
It's just that you have done everything *right* and your body is doing great, so you shouldn't be so hard on it. Celebrate the 12 ounces you are making -- lots of people make ZERO.
Please go easy on yourself. You've been through so much this past year, you deserve to love yourself. Formula is NOT the devil. Give it to Percy with pride -- knowing that you are putting his needs first.
I didn't exclusively breastfeed either. I did continue breastfeeding my son VERY regularly even though he got 2-3 2 oz. bottles a day. It was worthwhile, and once we got the hang of it, we really enjoyed it. It will get better either way you go. You're by no means a failure. If you're a failure, then I am too. And that's just not acceptable! ;-)
I think you're doing great. Your energy is going towards what is best for your son, whatever that turns out to be. You are his mother and he can put his confidence in your mothering. Truly he can.
xoxo
Sarah
well i guess i'm a failure too then. i am not making nearly enough breastmilk to feed my baby despite multiple LC's advice, weeks of pumping every 2-3 hours on top of nursing and supplementing... failure? as long as we are doing the best we can do with what we are given then we are good mothers in my opinion.
Definitely try the domperidone (aka motilium) for increasing supply. It's amazing. http://www.inhousedrugstore.com/digestive/motilium-information-physicians.html
Domperidone, and within 24 hours you will be making double that.
I swear to God.
As for measuring, he is getting way more out of your breast because he is a more efficient pump than any electric made.
So no, that isn't all you are making. Really. Phone the manufacturer and they will confirm.
And yes, formula is fine if you feel he needs it, just don't use bottles, use the supplemental nursing system. If you do, he will get the extra formula and he will be stimulating your nipple at the same time and he won't get nipple confusion.
So no, you are not a failure, but the Docs who can't or won't prescribe Domperidone in the US have failed you. Blame them hon. But don't you dare blame yourself.
My mom only made it a few weeks with me, and my sister couldn't digest breast milk at all. We both came out healthy, and don't seem to have lost any IQ points. It's ok! Breast, formula, both, it's about feeding your baby, not about following someone else's edict.
No, no no no no. You HAVE NOT FAILED your beautiful son. He has a mother who loves him, so there is no way you can fail him. Keep putting him to breast and do what you've been doing..he'll be perfect..hang in there.
You are NOT a failure! I went through the same thing. Between my infertility and then a failed vag delivery (he had to be "evicted" after 3 hours of pushing), I felt like a huge failure as a mother right off the baty. Our breastfeeding problems just compounded that.
I too gave my some DS formula when I thought I couldn't satisfy him. But I kept at it, nursing as much as possible and pumping when not nursing, and after a couple of weeks I could drop the formula.
If I had to do it over, I would not have supplemented. I would have trusted my body and just kept going. As a previous poster said, the amount you pump is NOT indicative WHATSOEVER of what your baby is getting. Don't let that get you down. The fenugreek can really help, I loaded up on it and almost immediately DS seemed more satisfied. I highly recommend an IBCLC and/or the LLL for some support. It was invaluable to me, and after getting through that initial torment, I now love the closeness that breastfeeding gives to me and my son.
Good luck!
It isn't a failure, but I know from experience that it sure feels like one. Hoping the mother's milk and fenugreek help you. If they don't, Percy will be okay! You didn't fail him.
Much love.
I'm sure that someone else has said this, but you can't measure how much your supply is using how much you get from pumping. Some women just don't get much from the pump. I was lucky to get four ounces of a milk a day from pumping. Also, you do what is best for you and your baby. Honestly, we beat ourselves up over things we can't control. I was upset when I had to give my baby formula to supplement. I knew I shouldn't let it bother me, but it was another way that I failed (not true, but how I felt). We just really beat ourselves up when we shouldn't. Your son is going to be healthy and happy no matter how you feed him. And any breastmilk is a good thing. You've already given him a good start. Formula or breastmilk in the end you have a happy baby.
Just wanted to confirm what everyone else has said-- you did not fail Percy, and the pump gets nowhere near what he gets out of you.
I would also suggest maybe trying to spread the wealth rather than concentrated feedings-- let him nurse for about 10-15 mins, then offer him a bottle, pumped or formula. This would help him conserve energy while he is growing and gaining strength to be able to get all that he needs from you... Just one more thing-- if he refuses a bottle after nursing, then he is probably full. Which is a good thing. :)
Do not beat yourself up....being a successful Mother is an ongoing process. Believe me when I say almost 16yrs later (son will 16 in March)that you will always question yourself, you will never feel like you are good enough. Mother's are not ranked by how they became a Mom, how they fed their children, if their child co-slept, slept through the night, how early the child is potty trained, and on and on. There are no grades, loving your child and providing all the basic needs are all that matters to Percy. Being a single parent is tough, going through a pregnancy alone is tough, it all takes its toll on the mind and body. Your body just may need some time to unkink from all the past stress. Make sure you are enjoying being Percy's Mom and not letting life's stresses interfere with your peace of mind.
Always keeping you and Percy in my thoughts and prayers.
Antigone. I only had enough milk to last two weeks. Hubby was in chemo, I was in shock .... I ended up taking prescription drugs to increase my supply but it felt like an acid trip, spiders in my hair, etc. I did everything I could - sometimes it just doesn't work out.
When he went to full-time formula, I expected to be devastated, but it was the opposite. After all the stress, it was SO NICE to claim my body back as my own.
Hugs to you.
XOXOXOXOXXO
I have breastfed my twins for 3 months and concurrently with formula as my milk was not enough for the two babies both of which werent able to latch without a nipple shield!!!Then It became all formula afterward. And I am never regretful! My babies loved the formula from the first day they tasted it as well as my milk and they are doing just fine right now. They will be a year old end of this month and they just love their formula even now despite the fact that they started solids for a long time. When I or my husband feed them they put their heads close to our heart just like when you are breastfeeding them, and they look very content. So I also get upset when people say bottle fed babies and their mothers cant bond, honestly that's B.S.As if the bond between a mother and a child is restricted to the feeding hours only!!! Oh well! whatever you end up doing formula or breast milk or both Perseus will be just fine.
Don't beat yourself up - as a first time mother I was so sure I could breastfeed that I didn't even buy bottles. When the lactation consultant handed me 4 bottles of formula, well, I felt like a failure. The combination of 42 year old breasts and a weak sucking reflex meant my supply never caught up to his needs. That last day, I tried to breastfeed all day, and he was growing more and more desperate, so frantic in his hunger, and when I broke down and gave him his first formula bottle he gulped it down in nothing flat, and fell into a deep contented sleep. I cried, because I felt like I had failed, but there was some relief in that now he was content and now he would gain weight. If it had gone on much longer, he would have been in serious trouble, instead my mostly formula fed baby is now happy, healthy and on the charts. And that is what's really important.
You didn't fail. He's here, you feed him; he's fine.
My son was delivered at 28 weeks at the size of a 25 weeker due to my body's inability to feed him him and not have multiple organ failiure. I pumped for 14 weeks and my supply was ALWAYS pathetic. By the time he was 5 weeks old, I couldn't make enough and we are talking prem baby here with the stomach capacity of a small sparrow.
Keep trying. Anything he gets from you is an advantage, no matter if it's only enough for one feed a day. You are doing everything you can.
the formula top-up is one of the most common experiences of motherhood. it makes you normal.
[and can i just make an off-topic comment? contrary to an earlier comment, even if Perseus ends up in jail you won't have failed. i work with people in prison; the mothers i've met are courageous and remarkable. there are many other reasons for people ending up in jail than the perceived failure of their mothers].
Pumping is definitely not an accurate measurement of your milk production - babies tend to be way more efficient at getting the milk out than pumps.
Something else I recall reading is that different women make differently-concentrated breastmilk. I read on someone's blog about a woman who had to have her breastmilk analysed before the NICU would let her twins have it (non-bio), and it showed that though she didn't make much, it was higher calorie/ounce.
Either way you are not a failure.
Have you looked at the kellymom.com website? Lots of good stuff there.
This is so not your fault. Percy will get much more than you'll ever get from your pump. It's amazing.
It's a good sign that he'll take a bottle. It will make things easier in the long run (I'm thinking of the W word). My daughter gets mostly formula with her baby-sitters, but I still really enjoy nursing her in the mornings and evenings.
You have so much on you now, don't add to the stress with this. Try to be happy with what you can do without being upset with every bottle.
Don't say that! I was able to breastfeed, but I don't think there's any need for militant breastfeeding. Whatever works to nourish baby is good. What's important is that you're doing such a great job as a mommy, knowing when he needs something different and rising to meet those needs. You are doing great!!!!
No way.
Stop beating up on yourself.
xoxo
I've only really quickly zipped through the millions of comments here, but it bears repeating if no one has said it yet: *you don't pump as much as you do if your child is feeding.* Your child is a much better pump than your medela, and serves as a much better incentive to produce than plastic. A better way of sorting this out is to weigh P. before and after feeding.
And even if you supplement, you're still giving him BM which is lovely and healthy and all that. My husband's mom came from a generation where they just didn't breastfeed -- and he's smart and healthy.
It's not all about what goes into the baby. And a lot of being a good mom is making decisions to save your sanity so you *can* be a mom at all. And this is one of them.
Go easy on you.
Stop it! You are not a failure. Your body has not failed.
Percy is far more efficient at getting milk out of your breast than the pump is, so pumping is not an accurate gauge as to how much you are producing.
That said, I supplemented my son with formula for months. Once he was on solids, I dropped the formula and just BF him.
Nearly everyone I asked said the only way to increase your milk supply is to increase the demand: the more Percy nurses, the more milk you'll make. I mean, you can't nurse him non-stop, so take it with a grain.
Good luck with the Fenugreek - it never worked for me, but I heard from so many people it did work for.
Hang in there and don't give up! You're strong!! Be well. :)
xoxoxo
You did not fail him. By supplementing with formula you are doing what you must to help him thrive. That is not failure. Please don't let nursing affect your relationship with him or your thoughts on what kind of mother you are. You do your best and that's all you can do. As long as he is healthy and happy, does it really matter how he gets to that point?
Don't beat yourself up for something that you can't control. You are doing a GREAT job!
Please, please don't see this as a failure! I had supply issues with all 3 of my children. I also pumped and fed them formula...and they turned out just wonderful, and so will Perseus! Just you wait and see! My dear Antigone, you are the farthest thing from a failure! You are one of the BRAVEST people I wish I knew!
Coming out of lurkdom because I think it's SO important that you not feel like a failure over this. I had a very hard time with breastfeeding in the beginning. Not only did my supply seem low, I had a very hard time getting him to latch on. My son was big too (9lbs. 12.5 oz. at birth), so his demands were very high! He is now 11 months old, and after a rocky start we finally have this down! The fenugreek and mother's milk both helped me out quite a bit. I wish you the best of luck! Remember, you are not a failure. You are doing an excellent job caring for your son.
This is not a failure. My breasts were not making enough milk for my twins, so I made the very hard decision to give them formula. I cried when I made the decision thinking that yes, I had failed them. But I hadn't failed them and you haven't failed Perseus. Not taking into account what THEY needed would have failed them. My kids are three now and are thriving. IT IS OK THAT YOU ARE GIVING/SUPPLEMENTING WITH FORMULA. Lots of women end up having to do it, it just isn't talked about a lot. Hang in there Perseus has a great mom who is putting his needs (for a full belly) above her own (the feeling that real mothers only breastfeed - which isn't true). Please relax. New motherhood is overwhelming and you are going to second and third guess yourself repeatedly. But you knew what Perseus needed and you gave it to him. That is a GREAT MOM in my book.
Heather
Stop being hard on yourself. I know it's almost impossible to think positively - you're squarely in the frame for baby blues and utter exhaustion currently - but focus on the wonderful things you HAVE achieved for Perseus.
If he could talk, I think he'd be far too busy saying thank you for everything else you give him to mind having a different flavour of lunch via a fake boob.
Being the Lactation Queen is nice, I suppose, but being a star Mom sooooooo much better in his eyes.
You are NOT a failure!
(((HUGS)))
Several random thoughts:
1) How much you can pump does not completely translate to how much you are producing. When I was pumping 3 times a shift at work, if someone brought ds1 for my lunch break, I would just feed him, then my afternoon pumping that I typically would get 6 oz, I would generally get less than 2. Babies are way more effective and proficient than the best pump.
2) I supplemented ds1 from the time he was 3 days old until 3 months (and only stopped then because he spat out all formula no matter what we did). It didn't really help his weight gain (he was 8 lbs at 3 weeks and didn't hit 9 lbs until 15 weeks). We exclusively breastfeed from 3 months until he was 6 months. He is still breastfeeding at 31 months. So you can continue to breastfeed and give him many of the benefits even if you give him some formula as well.
3) At the end of the day, you do what is best for you and Percy. If it means some formula, then that is what is best.
PS DS2 is not a spectacular weight gainer either, but he only had 27 mL of formula when he was an hour old due to a blood sugar of 33 (he was a 35 weeker), other than that he has been all breastfeed.
I'm sure with all the comments here that there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. But you know that won't stop me, right? There are a couple of things I found to be generally true for all women...
~What you pump is not an accurate measure of what you make in breastmilk.
~Measure wet and dirty diapers...that's the only accurate measure of whether he's getting enough.
~In order to increase supply you should nurse, nurse, nurse...oh...and nurse some more. Keep in mind that hunger signs encourage suckling...which increases supply. I know it's tempting to want to answer his demand as fast as you can...but introducing formula will actually slow down the process, not speed it up. Your boobs work on supply and demand. They've gotta know there's a larger demand before they provide a larger supply.
~While many people say it's no big deal, introducing formula can absolutely screw with a breastfed baby's digestive tract. Watch for signs of gas or constipation.
All that being said...breastfeeding is hard. I did what you're doing with my first. It did not work and we ended up with formula full time. With Myles I had no problems (until the teeth...then I gave up). Everyone is different and everyone's experiences are going to be different. It's not a matter of success or failure. Really. There is no scorecard. You don't get any extra points for doing this motherhood thing a certain way. No matter what anyone tells you.
Well, it sounds to me that you're doing pretty well. I certainly never pumped more than 12oz in a day and I am a champion BFer (having breastfed various combinations of three children for seven years straight). It might seem like it right now, but supplementing with the occasional bottle of formula is not a big deal. It doesn't mean you have to give up on your breastfeeding goals. Also, I understand (I think I read this in a book about extended breastfeeding) that if you make less milk the hormones and other good things are more concentrated, so he's still getting all the benefits and will presumably still get those six extra IQ points!
You're doing a great job and I hope it helps to have 60 people confirming it!
I am pretty sure I never got as much pumping as nursing. Some women just don't respond well to the pump. Of course, supplementing with formula is not the end of the world and you are not failing P by giving him formula. I know it is hard to swallow as I had some of the same issues with guilt when I had to supplement some. But, you've got to cut yourself some slack and see that keeping him healthy and happy is the goal -- not how you got there. Big hugs to you.
Please dont think that feeding your baby formula=failure. There are so many women out there (myself being one of them) that were not able to nurse and in NO WAY does that make you any less of a mommy. As long as your baby is HAPPY, HEALTHY, and THRIVING you are NOT failing him. Formula is not the devil I promise....I think BFing is awesome but I have 2 formula fed babies that are just fine and smart as hell. Dont beat yourself up about it.
I have been a lurker for a while but thought I would comment on this one. When my ds was born prematurely at 31 weeks my supply never came in. I beat myself up over this for weeks. I had failed him again. I couldn't keep him safe inside of me and when he needed my breast milk the most, I couldn't give that to him either. I pumped ever 2 hours for 12 weeeks in an attempt to improve my supply. I took fenugreek, Reglan, drank apricot nectar but my supply only increased the tiniest bit. When I finally quit pumping altogether and went solely to formula, I was devastated for a while but soon began to enjoy my son more than ever. Without the worry of pumping and fretting over the lack of supply, I was free to actually enjoy being a mom. I know it is hard not to beat yourself up, but do your best not to. You will enjoy your time with Percy so much more when you do not have the guilt to go along with it.
Nope, not failure. Failure would not feeding him formula in order to give yourself time to build your supply. I know it feels that way, I've been there myself. Just let the Fenugreek do it's thing and try again.
As others have said you did not fail. Look into that sweet face and know that you did not fail.
I also did not have enough milk and had to supplement. My ped said that was enough to give his immune system a boost.
My son is now 6 and has had a grand total of one (1) ear infection. Perseus will be fine.
Definitely not! It takes time for your body to really get into the swing. It's supposed to be all natural and stuff, but sometimes it just takes an extra push to really get it done.
Keep pumping and nursing. THAT will help with the supply. Also, my midwives told me that night-time is the time when supply is most effected so if you aren't nursing alot at night, (and you're up to it) get up and pump at night at least once.
Also, a small glass of a nice dark beer every few days can help too. The Vit B in the yeast is great for milk supply.
Stress effects milk supply adversely too, so as hard as it is, relax. Don't worry that you had to add formula. I did that too. But I also worked hard to get my milk supply up so I didn't have to do that permenantly.
And there are going to be times where you milk supply dips and wanes and changes...just roll with it, and don't get to down on yourself.
(I'm sure a lot of this has been said, though I'm going to say it again anyway).
i half-nursed and half-formula-fed Oscar from the time he was a few weeks old...and felt miserable about it. in truth, after a month or two, i realized it was a blessing, because it allowed me to take people up on offers to give me a break, yet still allowed us some nursing straight through 'til 14 months.
it's not a failure. it's not what you wanted, and you have the right to grieve that. but it's not a failure.
NOT a failure! You are doing everything you need to ensure your son is healthy and happy. No one could claim that as a failure.
Please don't feel like a failure. I gave birth a few days after you and have been giving my baby more formula than breastmilk. I have been pumping every 2 hours and still, can't get enough to satisfy him. At least we are giving them some breastmilk. I enjoy reading your blog and hang in there....
No failure! Wonderful, loving mama!
No, you did not fail him!! This is just one of many many little blips of the road of parenting. I had to give my girls formula as well.
I agree with what some others said: you cannot judge the volume P is able to get by how much you can pump. P is much more effective at getting milk than the pump. Even the skin to skin contact increases flow. GL!
You have not failed at all. This is exactly what formula is there for. Because sometimes things don't go as planned, and the kid still needs to eat.
I also agree with some of the previous commenters. Pumping is a horrid judge of your output. No pump will suck as much as a baby. ;)
Take care, you're doing great.
The pumping does not measure how much milk you produce, the baby is much better at nursing than your pump. So he probably is getting more than 12oz from you.
Keep pumping, you will build up the supply. Do you have a good electric pump? It's much much easier with one.
Oh there will be so many times that you will not be perfect. So many opportunities to feel guilt. Don't worry so much, it's okay. Really you will be much happier if you don't throw this "I've failed" around so often. I'm saying this out of a loving place.
Antigone, I've been following your blog and cheering you and Perseus on for some time now - I want to tell you what an amazing job you're doing!
I needing to supplement my son's feedings with large amounts of formula for a month before my lactation consultant finally put me on domperidone (a drug technically for GERD - nothing else worked for me), which kick-started my milk production. That first month was incredibly hard - it was a constant struggle not to feel like I was failing my son. It's hard to deal with that feeling, especially with everything else that is so new and overwhelming, for both good and bad reasons, but you will get through it.
We all do what we can for our children and whether you're feeding with breastmilk or formula, the important thing is that you remember that it's not as important what you're feeding him as the fact that it's you who's feeding him. He loves you so much already and he will only grow to love you infinitely more every day.
-t
don't be so hard on yourself!! Think of it this way...your body supplied the needs for him the 9 months you carried him. You have been under tremendous stress between "baking" a live baby and your divorce!! You have to remember that you need to take care of yourself as well because Percy needs a healthy mom!! So don't think of it was failure...its supplementing...that's why its called that!!
praying for you
Kristina
Ohio
You haven't failed. I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, but I want to chime in on supporting you. You are doing an amazing job. Don't beat yourself up over this.
Oh Antigone - everyone said it, but I'll say it again. This is not a failure.
Failure - is my husband's cousin who refused to accept that her baby wasn't getting enough. Failure is his lifetime growth being stunted at birth. His is the picture of his parent's failure to react - now 7 years old - smaller than my four year old - and struggling in school.
You are a GREAT mother. Percy is blessed to have you making such hard decisions for him!
Adding my voice here - you are NOT a failure. It's so hard to believe that, but it's true. You carried this little guy to term and are working so hard to create a great life for him. Once he learns to smile, you will see that Perseus loves you no matter what (at least until he hits age 13). And that will remind you that you're a good mom, when you forget.
A couple thoughts:
1) One of the most helpful things that I was told when I was a new mother was that around 2 weeks a new baby will often start crying for inexplicable reasons. That's it's normal for them to cry a certain number of hours in a day--without being called colic. I wish I could remember, but I do remember being surprised. I think maybe 4. This is normal, and doesn't necessarily mean he's not getting enough to eat. It was helpful as a new mom to know that this was normal. And Perseus is right at the age where it can be expected.
2) I don't think what you can measure through pumping is necessarily an accurate reflection of what your body is producing. There is a difference between having a baby suckling and a pump that may significantly skew the numbers.
3) It sounds like he's producing wet and poopy diapers, but I'm not sure how many? If he can soak you with urine when you dress him, it sounds like he's well hydrated.
4) There is nothing to be ashamed of in how you feed your baby. However, if you wanted to give b/f a last-gasp effort, is there any way you could arrange to devote yourself completely to b/f? Have meals brought in, help with housework so you can just go to bed with your baby? Being the only parent of a baby is so hard, and your circumstances so stressful, it may help to just remove as much other stress in your life and just b/f.
6)listen to your mommy-sense. You're connected to this boy, and you'll never go wrong if your actions are rooted in there.
And I'm rooting for you. You're doing a great job.
NEVER EVER a failure until the minute you stop caring about his welfare!
It is hard. We all have those internal battles and I can only imagine yours are a bit louder given your previous loss.
Just know that he will grow no matter what you feed him and also know that this is no limit to the amount of support out there if you want to continue with nursing.
Rapid weight loss after pregnancy can hurt your supply but a lot of times that is what our bodies do and it doesn't mean we are doing something wrong.
My heart goes out to you!
Bon says it somehow: with Kids, nothing happens as you imagined it would have. And, you must know by now, reality is zillion times better than imagination.
Stop whipping yourself, it does no good to anyone.
NO! You have NOT failed him. Failing would be a lack of even trying....and it's MORE than obvious that you've tried.
You're amazing. I'm proud of you and I don't even know you.
By the way, I don't know if you read Ann's blog (The Unlucky 20 Percent), but her post on November 23rd last year will be very familiar to you. Misery loves company, and all...
I hope you are feeling better today and know that you are taking exquisite care of your son!
I've just been a lurker, but I wanted to echo what all the others said "you are not a failure!" My son had a weak suction which caused my supply to decrease. Breast feeding isn't as easy as it seems it should be and you aren't the first infertile to go through this. I know it is hard, but you are a fantastic mom and you will know what the best course of action is for you and your son. Hang in there!
I know that 90+ other people have already said it but I'm going to beat the dead horse. You are not a failure at all. My LC made me memorize and recite back to her the 3 priorities of newborn feeding and the very first one was : baby gets fed, #2 was--work on my milk supply, and #3 was exposure to the breast.
I hope things are going smoother for you now. And hopefully a full belly makes for a happy baby!
No. Not failure. Baby is being fed. Baby is alive and healthy and happy and growing and most of all loved. How can that ever be considered failure? I pumped full-time for 4 months. To the point that she was sleeping through the night and I was getting up every 4 hours to pump my 2 ounces of milk. Too sleep-deprived and stressed out to be a good happy mama. That felt more like failure.
1) Pumping doesn't indicate your supply.
2) P is loved and thriving, either way.
3) You *ARE NOT* a failure!
-Happy, healthy Momma to happy, healthy 10 mo. old, who b/f and supplements his way through a happy infancy.
oh no, you didn't fail him at all!! You are a wonderful loving mother, protecting your son fiercely. You have gone through so much to make sure he got here safely and into a loving household made of you and him and Sothis. That could never be described as a failure.
I'm a lurker but the last two sentences of this made me come out. You are ABSOLUTELY not a failure. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things to do. The books don't make is seem that way but it is. I breastfed for 14 months and supplemented when necessary without shame. Please remember that every bit of BM benefits Percy, and also having a mom willing to do whatever it takes for him to thrive benefits Percy as well.
I had the same problem with my son he nursed and we supplemented with formula and I felt like a failure as well. Thankfully one of my girlfriends told me not to worry "It's food not poison!" As an aside he is now two and is still nursing my supply did improve.
Please, don't feel like a failure!! I felt like a failure with my daughter, and when my son came, I refused to feel that way again. There are so many ways to feed a baby. And helping him make sure you have enough by supplementing, is a really good thing. There is so much negativity surrounding formula feeding, and it really makes me sick. My son refused to latch, so I had no choice but to formula feed (after being attached to a pump for hte first 7 weeks, it wasn't a solution I was happy with). And he's growing just fine. He's happy.
I always feel like I have to explain/defend why I give my baby formula--so good to see so many people agree that this is not a failure. I'm breastfeeding and supplementing too. I've worked with lactation consultants and have been told I'm doing all the right things. I have two more things to try domperidone (was warned some doctors won't prescribe and some pharmacies, including the closest compounding pharmacy, won't compound) and/or goat's rue. I've been taking fenugreek, was pumping but could no longer fit it in with my daughter's frequent feedings. I'm happy I'm able to breastfeed at all with this baby. I couldn't with my first.
Would you describe your baby as a "failure" for being an inefficient nurser?
No, of course not. Even if you 100-percent KNEW that the problem was his latch or his sucking ability, you wouldn't blame him. Because that would be mean-spirited. It's not a baby's fault that they can't do something that other kids typically can.
Please, please apply the same standards to YOURSELF that you apply to your baby. Nursing is a 2-way relationship. As with the rest of parenting, it's not something you have 100 percent control over.
Congrats for adapting to the challange at hand. As others say, this isn't a defeat. It's just the next step.
You did not fail. I know how you feel though. Lyla is formula fed and she is doing just fine.
It is not failure. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing wonderful... some woman the milk just doesn't come in. I'm sorry. It's regrettable, but if it can't be helped then it can't be helped. What matters if that you're healthy, he's healthy, and you're both okay.
argh! keep trying. No matter the outcome you did NOT fail!!! Each mother needs to find her own way.
My friend was at the point you were and still did it for 6 months (and she had horrible pain since the beginning and never produced much until 3 months)
Nothing EVER turns out as we plan...
You didn't fail and formula is just fine for Percy. The stuff you've ordered may help a bit, but domperidone is what you need. www.inhousepharmacy.com. It's given to babies to help with reflux, so its safe for him as well as safe for you. It is a miracle drug for breastmilk.
btw you can't measure how much he's getting via the pump, he may suck more effectively than the pump (the rule is they always do but some babies IME don't suck well) and/or you may not let down well for the pump.
12 oz is actually great at this point.
For the first 2 months my son had bm and formula until I got the swing of things. I went on to quit formula and bf for 14 months.
So, it ain't over until YOU say it's over. Don't move to any final conclusions ... unless you are happy with them.
Either way, bm or formula, there is no failure option. You are doin' fine, better than fine.
You did not fail him, that's for sure.
I had to give up with my oldest because I wasn't producing enough and she had jaundice. Of course I had the same feelings as you did, but then I realized by not switching I would have been failing her.
I did all the right things and saw all the right people. None of them diagnosed my BF issues correctly. The Internet Gods didn't get it right either.
My son is FF completely and doing just great. But I am still pissed that it didn't work.
I feel your pain.
don't believe what the pump says! I never got much when I pumped because my body just didn't really respond well to it, but my daughter always had plenty in her tummy. that being said, I also believe in the powers of fenugreek and know quite a few mommies who have used it successfully. and remember, breastfeeding is a total supply/demand issue - the more you request, the more your body will make. the less you request, the less your body will make.
anyway, you're doing fine no matter what you choose. I just wanted to give you my ass-vice in case nursing is something that you're really committed to and just need a nudge ;-)
I was only able to pump an ounce MAYBE at a time, but I know my daughter ate way more than that when she nursed. Pumping's not always a reliable indicator of how much your baby's getting. There's nothing wrong with formula, especially when it seems to be helping P feel better, but you HAVE NOT failed him!!
I'm probably not adding anything new here, but I had some supply issues up front with #2. She flirted with jaundice, and was just generally too sleepy and weak at first to really get the supply going. I HATED giving her formula (the little that she ended up having), but it was enough to get her over the hump as far weight gain and clearing her system out. It took almost three weeks to get everything up and running. Keep the faith, you CAN do this.
Keep pumping, and most importantly, keep nursing as much as you can. I would always nurse first, and slip in some formula before bed so she would be full and I might get a good three hours in. evenutally, she started taking enough that we were able to drop the formula. Pumping isn't the best indicator of what you are making either-babies are the most efficient little extraction systems known to man.
I went through IF to get both of my kids, and have other issues that are tied up in that. It's easy to slide back into that pattern of just expecting your body to let you down, even though it has just grown this perfect little person. Don't do it to yourself.
One last thing, just because no one can tell me to shut up when I comment (ha!) is to make sure that you are eating enough, as well as pushing fluids for yourself. I never had to go with the supplement route (fuengeek), but I found that if I made a point of drinking one regular sized bottle of water after a feed, my supply increased no less than 24 hours after I started that routine. Just some food for thought, especially if you are going to try to start being more active.
Good luck sweetie-you've already come so far!
Your son will be fine whether you breast feed or formula feed. I have used fenugreek to up my supply and it works, but I take 3 capsules twice a day which is more than the recommended dosage. I haven't found any negative side effects other than smelling a bit like maple syrup. I definitely recommend trying it though.
Domperidone. seriously. rocks. It tripled the amount I was able to pump after I went back to work and kept me breastfeeding when I thought I was done. I ordered mine on the Internet, and it took awhile to get to me, but it was worth every penny. Make sure you get the brand name stuff, Motilium, manufactured by Janssen-Cilag. I took three 10-mg tablets three times a day. Kelly Mom has links to dosing instructions and other info. It was a miracle drug for me, honestly. Wishing you the best of luck!
Nonsense.
Don't believe that shit.
You absolutely did not fail. Motherhood is not defined by the way in which you feed your baby. An entire generation didn't breastfeed their babies ... it wasn't in vogue ... that doesn't mean they weren't mothers. You need to project a positive confident attitude ... for Percy's sake. You are awesome ... you need to believe that!!
You're definitely not a failure! Oftentimes you pump much less then the you baby can get out himself. The baby is much more efficient. Regardless though, even if you need to supplement, you are a great mother b/c you providing what your child needs to thrive by any means neccessary. You're doing great!
just wanted to say, failing to make a lot of milk is not being a failure. our boys were raised on the canned stuff and are healthy and strong and happy little lads.
it may feel terrible, but taking the action to give him what he needs makes you a very good mama.
A zillion people have already commented, but you are SO not a failure. You're being a great, conscientious selfless mom.
I would definitely try the various herbs and drugs out there. Domperidone works amazingly well for some people -- didn't do much for me, but I am taking it again this time anyway. It stimulates prolactin, so if that's not what your issue is, then it won't help as much. God only knows what my issue is -- someday, someone will figure that out.
There's this stuff called goat's rue. Also known as the Udder Maker... ;)
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